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− | <td valign="top">[[Image: | + | <td valign="top">[[Image:Moa shatterstar.png|left]]'''Moment of Awesome - [[Shatterstar|Ben Russell/Shatterstar]]:''' ''During psychic defense training, [https://xp-logs.dreamwidth.org/4295068.html#cutid1 Shatterstar asks Haller a very personal question]. And gets an equally personal answer.'' |
Latest revision as of 19:34, 8 July 2023
Moment of Awesome - Ben Russell/Shatterstar: During psychic defense training, Shatterstar asks Haller a very personal question. And gets an equally personal answer.
He tensed, as he always did when anyone brought up the fact that they knew he was a system. Shatterstar twitched like he was ready to attack, but Jim was like him. That was why he was willing to work with him at all when it came to anything in his head. "We have common ground," he replied automatically, defensively. "We get along fine." It didn't sound convincing even to him, even though they had been getting along fine before coming here. Their system had worked. Shatterstar protected them and Benjamin stayed back and let him. He mulled over the advice. They would be stronger if they worked together, that made sense. He just... He should be able to do it for them. That was why he was there. Shatterstar opened his mouth like he was going to ask a question but closed it again. He tugged at his hair for a moment and then said. "I'll do it better next time." Jim gave him a faint smile. "I know, because you did great this time. And just keep what I said in mind, okay? Sometimes things can get confusing even when everyone's on the same page." He wished he had a better idea of what Shatterstar's system was like, but he didn't even know how many they were. From what he'd said to Cyndi there was at least one other, but his reaction made it clear Shatterstar was not interested in disclosing anything else. Anything he trusted Jim to know would be given in his own time. Shatterstar just nodded and silently ate his sandwich as he thought about Jim's advice and what could have been done better. Mostly though, he was forming the best way to ask the question he had. (He was also willing the universe to have Jim not leave before he asked it). Finally, after two minutes he haltingly started to ask what he had wanted to before. "I don't want... I mean... Do you have, you know, in your system. Kids." The older man froze in mid-sip. Well, he'd wanted Shatterstar to feel safe enough to tell him about his system, hadn't he? It was only fair that Shatterstar get to ask about his. Jim could almost feel a finger curling on a monkey's paw somewhere. He lowered the can and gave Shatterstar his full attention again. "Yes," Jim said, attempting to ignore his instinctive discomfort. "His name is Davey. He's been with me since I was seven. He's the only one I'm not co-conscious with. Jack looks out for him." "And you wouldn't want him to have to protect himself," Shatterstar said slowly, not sure if he was appealing to Jim or Jack. He wasn't upset Jim hadn't told him about Davey. It was the responsible thing to do, to not let anyone hold the kids in your system against you- or worse be able to hurt them. He wished he could promise to never hurt their Davey. He let his implications speak for themselves. Shatterstar knew Benji wasn't always that little kid who he had formed to protect but he wasn't always the teenager who had locked himself inside either. It was better to be safe than sorry. He didn't want him to have to protect himself, ever. "No. We don't." Jim studied the can like it was hiding a roadmap for wherever this conversation was headed. He sighed. "But Davey also makes his own decisions. He comes out when he needs to. He's careful about who he shows himself to, but he uses his judgment, not mine. I owe it to him to respect that. It's his life, too." That was hardly the answer Shatterstar wanted to hear and he sneered a little to hear it. That shouldn't be how it worked. But Jim was more experienced with this, and Shatterstar did respect experience above just about anything else. Surely he must know what he's talking about. "I just wanna protect him," he mumbled, not even realizing he was speaking out loud as he started to clean up his meal. Jim nodded. "I can understand that. But if it's causing tension . . . you should ask him how he feels. How much protection he wants, or needs. There was a long time there where David wasn't able to handle anything on his own. Others stepped in because he needed them. But eventually I got stronger, and I realized I wanted to take things on again. We restructured, figured out new roles. There's no point in hanging on to a structure that doesn't work anymore." Shatterstar got a little lost in Jim's explanation and it all sounded a bit like a crock of shit, but it also frustratingly made sense. It's just, if the structure was broken what happened if he wasn't needed anymore? What would happen to him. But Jim said they figured out new roles. That was, that was possible. He had reinvented himself before by changing from a carbon copy of Gaveedra-Seven to Shatterstar, who was almost a real person. "We'll do it better next time. Both of us. If he isn't a dick," he said finally, conceding slightly to Jim's points. |