Angels Weep

Note from Ben: I'm a little bit embarrassed to post this because it's pretty sappy. It's a short fic, mostly dialogue because I like dialogue more than narrative, about Jay a few months before he came to Xavier's, set March 2004. It's really my attempt at making Chuck Austen's plot arcs not suck so much ;)

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"I bet he's huge."

"Shut your hole."

"No, seriously. Twenty bucks says he's a beast."

"Ah said, shut up."

"I know you're all 'save a horse, ride a cowboy,' buddy. Well, there's your man."

"For Chrissake, Man, Ah said . . ."

"Whoops, curtain's goin' up."

"Ah swear, Ah'm gonna fuckin' hunt you down and murder you."

"You'd have to get your cock outta his ass before you can catch me."

Thankfully, the audience was too busy enjoying their dinner to see Josh flipping the bird to Manuelo as the curtain rose.

~*~

"Zach, will you tell Josh ta stop bein' such a pussy already?" Manuelo implored, carefully resting his bass guitar against the wall of the dressing room as he peeled off his sweat-soaked shirt for something more comfortable. It was an unusually humid March, and the four were drenched. And least the gig had its perks. Namely, it gave the boys opportunity to tease Josh mercilessly.

"Yeah, dude. Stop fuckin' around and go, well, fuck around!"

"It ain't that simple," Josh asserted as he slowly removed his own shirt, careful of his new appendages. "Ah can't just go up to him and be like, 'Heya. Remember how we used ta run around butt naked when we were kids? Let's do it again!'" He threw his shirt down and spread his wings. It hurt to hold them in one position for an hour. What he wouldn't do to just chop these things off. "Ah mean, how do Ah even know if he's that way?"

"Oh, please," Rick snorted. "Are you blind, man? His wrist is so limp Ah'm surprised he can even hold a tray steady."

Josh's reply to that was to throw his stinky shirt at Rick's face.

A knock at the door was followed by a young man, only a couple years older than the band, poking his head in. "You fellas were great tonight. Can Ah get you anyth . . . Jesus, those are real!"

"Cabot!" Manuelo, Rick, and Zach all but jumped in front of Josh, trying to block his wings from the intruder's view. But it was too late. He'd taken a step inside the dressing room, staring at Josh with unmasked awe.

"Don't you know how to knock?" Manuelo demanded, stepping forward. "You really should get outta here now and forget what you saw."

"No," Josh interjected, walking forward from behind his mates. "S'okay. You just won't tell no one, right?" he asked

Kevin Cabot nodded, his eyes still focused on Josh. "Ah - Ah was just gonna ask if y'all wanted anythin' ta eat." He gulped, his eyes roaming across Josh's wings and down his bare chest.

This didn't go unnoticed by Manuelo, who suddenly broke into a grin and nudged Rick with his elbow. "I'm fine, thanks. I reckon Josh wants something, though."

"Yeah, get us a drink?" Rick asked. "Josh likes sex on the beach."

"And screaming orgasms."

"Blowjobs."

"Cock-sucking cowboys."

"Red-headed sluts."

"Balls."

"We get the idea," Josh interjected, his face and chest turning the same color as his wings. Kevin, he noticed, was reacting much the same way. "Look, Kevin, we appreciate y'all comin' back here and all, but we're good."

"Y-you know mah name?" he asked, his face almost the color of a tomato. Zach chortled.

"Well, of course Ah do. We used ta hang out by the lake at night, remember?"

"Well, yeah. Ah'm just a bit surprised you remember that. It was a long time ago, y'know."

"How could Ah forget?" Jay asked fondly.

"Okay, here we go." Manuelo sighed. "Apparently, embarrassin' your pals gives 'em the courage. Hey, you two wanna be alone?"

"Sorry." Kevin was so red he looked like he was about to explode. "Josh and me . . . we used ta know each other."

"He's the first fella Ah ever saw naked," Josh added.

"We were kids! It was totally innocent." Manuelo, Zach, and Rick raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

"We used ta hang out by the lake near mah farm," Josh explained. "Skinny-dippin' at night."

"Ah used ta skinny-dip," Kevin corrected, "you were just a peepin' Tom, you pervert."

"Same difference. Hey, you're shakin'." Josh took Kevin's hands in his, rubbing calloused thumbs over soft skin. He leaned closer, his face just inches away from Kevin's. He could smell the odors of the kitchen and the early spring air on him. "Are you cold?" he asked quietly. Kevin nodded, staring into Josh's brown eyes. "Let me warm you up."

"Kevin!"

Kevin quickly pushed Josh back, using enough force that Josh would have fallen had he not been caught by Manuelo. A young woman stood at the door, hands on her hips, glaring at Kevin disapprovingly. She couldn't have been much older than any of the guys in the room.

"B-Beth," Kevin stammered, nervously wringing his hands and glancing furtively from the girl to Josh and back. "U-um, Beth, h-have you met the fellas from Icarus? They played tonight. Awesome band. Guys, this is my sister Beth."

"Papa sent me to pick you up tonight," she continued, "Rosa said you'd be back here." Her eyes fell on Josh, widening in shock as she saw the wings. "W-why, you're one of those Guthrie folk, aren't you?" She sneered and grabbed her brother by the arm. "You can't be associatin' with folk like them, Kevin. It's beneath you. You're a Cabot."

"Now wait just a cot . . ." Manuelo started, but Josh laid a hand on his shoulder and shook his head.

As Kevin and Beth left, Josh sighed heavily.

~*~

"So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows, as yonder lady o'er her fellows shows."

"Josh."

"The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand, and, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand."

"Josh."

"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."

"Josh!"

"What?"

"Give it a rest. He's Cabot. You're Guthrie. We all know what that means."

"My life is in my foe's debt, for giving life to . . ."

"Josh! Think about it. You declare your undyin' love for him, he reciprocates. Then what? You can't tell no one. His father would kill you. His brothers would kill you. Hell, the entire town would kill you."

"Better to have loved and lost . . ."

"Stop it with the fuckin' Shakespeare already! I'm just lookin' out for you here, man. I don't want to see you hurt. And I don't wanna lose my lead singer and guitarist."

"Man, Ah can't stop thinkin' about him. Every day at school, every time we perform at The View . . . Ah know that if mah lips could touch his, just once, then Ah'd be in Heaven. You don't know what it's like, Man, havin' ta constantly hide who you are because you're afraid. You're tougher'n me. Ah can't deal with the looks and the whispers and the hate like you can. Ah just . . . For once, Ah just want someone who can take it all away. Someone who makes me feel like Ah haven't made the wrong decisions, that mah genes don't make me a freak of nature."

"Get the fuck out."

"What?"

"Get out of my truck, take your shirt off, spread those wings you hide from everyone, and go to him. If he's what you need, well, I've kept enough of your secrets already. I'll help you with one more."

"Really? Man, Ah . . ."

"Just quit your bellyachin' already. And be careful. You're not used to flyin' in the dark."

"Hardly matters. Ah'm blinded by love anyway. The dark can't stop me."

"No, but a tree can."

~*~

"Kev, I've been keepin' your secret for years. I don't have any intentions of givin' it up now. But I'm tellin' you, you can't see him."

Kevin threw up his hands. "Why not? Because he's a Guthrie?"

"Shh! Quiet! You don't want Papa hearing you sayin' that name."

"Ah'm so tired of it all, Beth." Kevin sat down on his bed, burying his face in his hands. She took a seat next to him, and he leaned against her as she wrapped an arm around him. "Dad would kick me out if he knew. But Ah can't . . . Ah don't wanna live this lie no more. Everyone at school knows. You see how they look at me. You've heard 'em whisperin' behind mah back and writin' stuff on the toilet stall walls. And now Ah meet this fella, and he likes me. He more'n likes me. How can I say no?"

"After all they've done to us, you're in love with one?"

"After all they've done to us? What about all we've done to them? We're turnin' into the Hatfields and the McCoys. Hatin' and fightin' and killin' each other over what, some pigs?"

"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?" called a voice from the open window. Looking up, Kevin gasped and Beth shrieked.

It was a angel flying on a pair of crimson wings.

"It is the east, and Kevin is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief."

"J-Josh? W-what are you doing here? If Dad sees you, he'll . . ."

"No no no, that's not the right line. You say: 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy. Thou art thyself, though not a Montague . . . Er, Guthrie. What's Guthrie? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man. O, be some other name! What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet; So Joshua would, were he not Joshua call'd, retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Joshua, doff thy name, and for that name which is no part of thee take all myself.'"

"A-Ah don't know what to say." Kevin was trembling as he stood up and walked across his room to the window. He raised a hand slowly, as if afraid that it was all a mirage that would disappear if he touched it.

"'I take thee at thy word. Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Joshua.'"

"Love."

Their lips met, pressing against each other softly. Josh's tongue teased Kevin's lips until they parted open. Kevin moaned, his eyes fluttering shut, feeling his body loosen and tighten and soften and harden all at the same time.

"Come with me," Josh said huskily as they pulled away.

"To where?"

Josh held out his hand. "Does it matter?"

"But mah Pa . . ."

"Then how 'bout this? Ah'm goin' over to the lake ta swim. Ah'll see you there."

He was gone as quickly as he came.

"Kevin." He turned around to see Beth, her wet eyes glistening in the moonlight. "If you don't go home, then I swear I'll take him first."

~*~

"You came."

"You didn't think Ah would?"

"Ah have you now. That's all that matters."

"It won't be easy, y'know. We can't tell, well, anyone. 'Sides your buds."

"Would that Ah could shout it from the rooftops, proclaim it for all to hear."

"Sweet talker. How come you don't already have a boy?"

"'Cuz Ah'm in love with a man."

"Ah love you, too, Josh."

". . . Man was right about you."